ADD Student

Archive for December, 2007

One of the things that I’m always stressing to parents is the importance of healthy self-esteem, particularly for kids with Attention Deficit Disorder.

It seems as though those of us with AD/HD tend to “mess up” more than people who don’t have AD/HD.  We’re always apologizing or making excuses for why we’re late, we forgot, we lost something, etc.  It’s easy to feel bad about yourself when that kind of dialog is a constant in your life, and that makes it all the more important to find ways to help you feel good, too.

Somewhere along the way, we as parents got the idea that healthy self-esteem can be instilled in our children through a continual stream of positive comments.  Now there’s nothing wrong with postive reinforcement, genuinely praising someone for a thoughtful act or a job well done, but when a child receives praise for literally everything they do, the effect is lost.  They end up with a false sense of self-worth, ill-equipped to handle the real world.  At some point, they realize that much of the praise that they’ve received was perhaps not insincere, but certainly overinflated.

The key to real self-esteem is two-fold: honest, sincere praise when it’s warranted, and guidance and instruction when a mistake or error in judgement has been made.  Everyone messes up on occasion, and kids especially (AD/HD or not) need their parents and other caring adults to correct them when necessary.

It’s important that such correction be done in a caring manner; there’s rarely a need for raised voices and never a need for belittlement.  Simply point out where the error has been made, and what might be done to correct it.  This is a learning opportunity, not a punitive one.  

Keep in mind that especially for kids with Attention Deficit Disorder, the lesson may have to be repeated several times before it sticks.  Once again, this is part of their learning process.  

Also, remember when you are giving directions or corrections to your AD/HD child,  keep it simple.  Too much information at once makes it less likely that they will remember all of it.  Break lengthy directions into smaller chunks and work on one at a time for better results.

Keep these principles in mind, apply them whenever the opportunity arises, and you will be rewarded with a child who has a strong, healthy sense of self - one of the most valuable things you can give them.

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A few months ago, I saw a cute craft that involved adding scrapbook papers and embellishments to a cappuccino product. I went out and bought a four pack, even though I hate coffee, and got my daughter’s friend to drink them, with the promise that he would return the bottles to me.

Several weeks later, he asked me what I had done with them.  I hadn’t touched them, I explained, because I was so concerned that they turn out right that I was unable to begin for fear I would do the wrong thing.

I’ve seen my oldest daughter do the same sort of thing; she would start her homework, but if she had to erase something, or if the paper got wrinkled or bent accidentally, she would start over with a fresh sheet.

It may not seem as though perfectionsim and AD/HD have anything in common.  After all, people with AD/HD can be a little messy at times.

The truth, however, is that perfectionsim is a real problem for many people with Attention Deficit Disorder.People with AD/HD mess up all the time, even though they don’t intend to, and sometimes aren’t even aware of it.  That tends to make us extra cautious at times, especially when it’s important, but as with many other things we do, we tend to go to extremes.

We want things to be perfect, and sometimes we’re so tied to that idea that we’re completely frozen, unable to take action. What often ends up happening is that we remain in that state for so long - either not doing anything or else starting and then quickly abandoning our efforts - that time runs out on us.  We end up having to piece something together last minute, and of course the finished product is not indicative of our best efforts.

As a parent, there are a couple of things that you can do to help your child through these times.  Recognizing these perfectionistic tendencies when they happen is the first step.  Next, encourage your child to “dump” everything from their head onto paper.

Big projects or important ones are often the ones that trigger those tendencies, and they usually come with a great deal of information or ideas.  Getting all of those ideas out of their head and onto paper can help tremendously.  If you can, use a large easel or blackboard to record the ideas.  All that unlined space makes it easier to do a free-form list of ideas.  Don’t worry about whether or not the ideas are good ones, or putting them in any kind of order.  You can do that after you’ve recorded them.

Once you have all the ideas organized, you’ve got a better grip on getting the project done on time with less stress. Encourage your child to work on it a little at a time until it’s done.

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I’ve mentioned before how important I think it is for parents to understand how the ADD brain works.  It not only helps you understand your child better, but allows you to be more effective when offering study help.

One of the examples of how the ADD brain works that I’ve used in the past is in reference to hyperlinks.  You go to a website, and it talks about something on another site, so you click on the link.  At the next site, you find an interesting link to something else, and you click on that.  Eventually, you end up somewhere far removed from where you began, and yet it is related somehow.

Here’s how it works in real life:  You say, “My boss Sally is so mean; she’s making me work late Christmas eve.”  And I say, “I’ve got a great applesauce cake recipe.  You should try it.”  Huh??Here’s what happened in my head: You mentioned your boss Sally and Christmas eve.  That makes me think of my Aunt Sally, who was the best cook ever, and the one who made our Christmas holidays special.   Aunt Sally’s applesauce cake was a holiday tradition in our family, and I remember that you’ve got to bring a dessert for Christmas dinner at your in-laws.  Since you’ll be working late, you need something you can make ahead, like applesauce cake, so I offer you the recipe.

Why am I telling you this?  Well, because in addition to helping you understand the ADD brain, this example can hopefully help you to help your child utilize the unique nature of their brain to be a better student.

For instance, personality traits of a character in a book they are reading might remind them of someone they know, or maybe they’re studying a place or time period in history that has a personal meaning to your family.  My dad is a World War II vet, and both my parents lived through the Great Depression.  My kids had personal stories from their grandparents to relate to what they were learning, and that made it more memorable for them.

If you look hard enough, and practice finding ways to link what you’re learning to what you know, you’ll find it gets easier over tme, and that it’s possible with any subject, even math.

Don’t believe me?  Do you know which operation you do first in this problem: (2 x 3) + 12 - 4 x 10 ?  I do.  You use the Order of Operations: Parentheses, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition, Subtraction - easily remembered as Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally.

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