ADD Student

Archive for December, 2007

My son has a fake tooth called a flipper.  It has wires that attach it to his other teeth, and he can take it out when he needs to.  Surprisingly enough, it didn’t come from all of his years playing hockey.  Because he can take it out, he’s always losing it.  ”Where’s my tooth?”  ”Have you seen my tooth?”  I bet you don’t hear that around your house.

For my daughter, it’s most often her cell phone.  She lost it last night, in fact, in the midst of a significant snowstorm and found it this evening in her friend’s driveway.  Miraculously, it still works.

Does your AD/HD child  have a habit of losing things?  Is it the same thing, as with my kids, or different things (Homework doesn’t count; that’s a whole other ballgame.)

A big part of the reason that people with Attention Deficit Disorder misplace things is because they are not “in the moment”.  I think that most people with AD/HD live their lives in the future, anticpating what’s coming next.

Because of that, they aren’t paying attention when they put their tooth/cellphone/whatever down, and therefore don’t remember where it is when they need it.  Of course, the other half of the puzzle for many people with AD/HD lies with Executive Function difficulties.  One of the many symptoms associated with Executive Function is poor short term memory.  Putting your cellphone down is something you do all the time, just like so many other things in your day.  Poor short term memory can cause you to forget where you put it, and because it is such a familiar task, you’re unlikely to remember specific details about any one instance.

There are some things that you can do to help minimize this problem:

• Set up a system that addresses it.  For instance, I used to misplace important papers all the time.  Logically, I knew that a filing system would help me with this, but the entire task was overwhelming to me.  I finally hired a professional organizer to help me.  That may sound crazy to you, but someone with AD/HD could probably relate.  
• Make sure that the system is simple and easy to understand and use.  (Not for you, but your ADD child.) For example, since my son tends to remove his tooth as soon he gets in the house, he tends to leave it in the kitchen. (Gross, I know.)  I’ve given him a small container to put it in, placed in a not so visible area.
• Plan to reinforce your system often, until it becomes habit for your child.  So, when you see the object in question someplace other than where you’ve designated, point it out and suggest that it be relocated.  If they lose said object, point out – gently – that using the new system would have prevented the problem.  
• If you can, tie the system in to something they already do automatically.  So, putting the tooth container near the basket where my son always deposits the car keys would work, too.
• Teach them about being in the moment, and the importance of focusing in, at least briefly, when they are doing certain things.  Again, this is a habit that needs to be built upon over time; not a quick fix.
• You may want to take the lead of pre-schools and kindergarten classes and simply provide a cubby or extra large basket for all of your child’s “stuff”.  While it will do little to organize things, having them all contained in one spot can be good enough.

I wrote a post on ADD Moms tonight about imperfection. It was prompted by a teleclass I attended earlier this week at ADD Classes taught by Sari Solden. The class was meant for women with Attention Deficit Disorder, and was about embracing our imperfections.

Sari said that many women with AD/HD are perfectionists, setting impossible standards for ourselves and then beating ourselves up when we fail to meet them. Of course, our ADD further complicates the situation, and makes it even less likely that our standards will be met.

I wonder – do we do the same thing to our ADD children? How perfect do we expect them to be? Do you secretly long for one of those bumper stickers that tells the world about your honor student? Do you wish your son or daughter was the most popular kid in school, or the coolest?

You know, kids with ADD judge themselves pretty harshly. All the ADD adults today with perfectionist tendencies and too high standards for themselves were once kids with the same tendencies and standards.

It’s up to us as parents to let our kids know that they are perfectly OK being less than perfect. It’s also up to us to walk our talk.

Are any of us perfect? Of course not. It’s our differences that make us unique. And whose standards are we using when we measure perfection anyway? If we all have different ideas about what makes the perfect mate, or the perfect meal, who’s to say which one is right?

Attention Deficit Disorder is all about differences. Let’s embrace them, and celebrate them, instead of trying to deny them.