AD/HD and Self-Esteem
| December 26, 2007 | Posted by Brenda under ADD, Life Skills |
One of the things that I’m always stressing to parents is the importance of healthy self-esteem, particularly for kids with Attention Deficit Disorder.
It seems as though those of us with AD/HD tend to “mess up” more than people who don’t have AD/HD. We’re always apologizing or making excuses for why we’re late, we forgot, we lost something, etc. It’s easy to feel bad about yourself when that kind of dialog is a constant in your life, and that makes it all the more important to find ways to help you feel good, too.
Somewhere along the way, we as parents got the idea that healthy self-esteem can be instilled in our children through a continual stream of positive comments. Now there’s nothing wrong with postive reinforcement, genuinely praising someone for a thoughtful act or a job well done, but when a child receives praise for literally everything they do, the effect is lost. They end up with a false sense of self-worth, ill-equipped to handle the real world. At some point, they realize that much of the praise that they’ve received was perhaps not insincere, but certainly overinflated.
The key to real self-esteem is two-fold: honest, sincere praise when it’s warranted, and guidance and instruction when a mistake or error in judgement has been made. Everyone messes up on occasion, and kids especially (AD/HD or not) need their parents and other caring adults to correct them when necessary.
It’s important that such correction be done in a caring manner; there’s rarely a need for raised voices and never a need for belittlement. Simply point out where the error has been made, and what might be done to correct it. This is a learning opportunity, not a punitive one.
Keep in mind that especially for kids with Attention Deficit Disorder, the lesson may have to be repeated several times before it sticks. Once again, this is part of their learning process.
Also, remember when you are giving directions or corrections to your AD/HD child, keep it simple. Too much information at once makes it less likely that they will remember all of it. Break lengthy directions into smaller chunks and work on one at a time for better results.
Keep these principles in mind, apply them whenever the opportunity arises, and you will be rewarded with a child who has a strong, healthy sense of self – one of the most valuable things you can give them.
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Thank you so much, there aren’t enough posts on this… keep up the good work