Learning to Ask for What You Need

Several years ago, I worked in Learning Assistance at a small two year college.  I regularly worked with students with varying learning disabilities, including Attention Deficit Disorder.  So many of them amazed and inspired me with their determination and quiet self-assurance.

I was thinking about those students today, and the 5 stages of grief.  (That’s a great example of the ADD mind in action, by the way; making a connection between two things that seemingly have nothing in common.)

The 5 stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Do you see a connection between these stages and the process of AD/HD diagnosis?  I certainly do.  

The reason that I made this connection had to do with one of the students that I worked with.  This young man had Attention Deficit Disorder as well as a learning disability, yet he had very good grades and a good sense of himself.  

I admired him because he had reached the stage of AD/HD that many people never get to: acceptance.  He knew that in order for him to do well in school, there were certain things that he needed because of his disabilities.  He accepted the fact that this was the way it was, and he dealt with it.  No complaining, no whining, no self-pity; just taking care of business.

This is one of the most valuable lessons that you can teach your child; how to advocate for themselves.  Even very young children can be taught to ask for what they need.  If they are entitled to extra time, a change in test location, or whatever, make sure that they know this, and that they are comfortable speaking up when their needs are not being met.  It’s possible to do this politely and respectfully, and it’s important that they learn how.  It’s a vital part of the journey that leads down the road towards acceptance.

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