Bringing Home Strays

I think at one time or another, all three of my kids have done what I call “bringing home strays”. Not stray dogs, but kids. You know, the kids no one else will be friends with?

One particularly memorable stray my son brought home in 4th grade used our home phone to call 900 numbers and was later caught setting fires on the playground. Luckily by then, he and my son were no longer friends.

Although it’s not always the reason, I think that kids with Attention Deficit Disorder often befriend the kid that no one else likes because of low self-esteem.

School is a very social environment, and a very public place when it comes to grades and performance. Every kid in the class knows who the “smart” ones are, and who the “dumb” ones are too. Never mind that those labels can be highly inaccurate and judgmental, they are applied and stick forever.

Kids with ADHD often have poor social skills, and although they may be one of the brightest people in the room, their grades don’t always show it. A stray kid is a pretty safe bet as a friend because the chance of rejection is low.

You know, when no one will befriend a kid, there’s a reason for it. And yes, I am aware that as parents of kids with Attention Deficit Disorder, our kids might be one of the ones with no friends, too. If so, it’s likely because of their poor social skills. In that case, you help them learn social behavior by talking with them and exposing them to social situations – gently.

But other kids are strays for other reasons, like my son’s friend from 4th grade. He didn’t have friends because he was a trouble maker, and other kids parents quickly caught on and made sure their child stayed away.

I’m not telling you to keep your kids away from other kids who have no friends. That’s mean, and not at all what I’m saying.

What I am telling you is to be extra cautious about your child’s friends. I know that as a concerned parent, that’s something you do anyway. But if you’ve got the ADD kid that no one plays with, it can be a relief when they finally bring home a friend. Check them out before you breathe that sigh of relief.