When my son Andy was a little boy, he was filled with energy and enthusiasm. He would jump into the car each day after school just brimming over with all he had to tell me. It never mattered if it was good or bad – whether he had gotten an A on a test or gotten into trouble, he willingly shared it all with the same enthusiasm.
Andy has gotten more subdued in his old age (he’s 25) but he’s still pretty open with me about his life. I’m sure he doesn’t tell me everything – just as I’m sure I wouldn’t want that much information – but I think the really important things are still being shared.
When you’re raising children, school, grades, and learning are an important part of their lives. You want them to have the best life possible and a good education and good grades will help make that possible.
It’s equally important, though – and I know that you know this – that you nurture an open and loving relationship with your children.
All kids are going to make mistakes. Hey, adults make their share, too. But it’s important that you react to their mistakes in a loving manner.
Kids with ADHD make plenty of mistakes. And I think it’s important that you take their ADHD into account when you’re faced with their latest lapse in judgment.
Now I am not suggesting for a moment that you go easy on them, or excuse away what they’ve done because they have ADHD. That would be a huge disservice to them. Even with ADHD, you need to learn to take responsibility for what you do.
But you can handle the matter in a loving way that says “you made a mistake, you need to take responsibility for it and make amends, but I will not punish you unnecessarily for it”. Does that make sense?
You need to look at the bigger picture – the child that you are raising to be a mature, responsible adult – and respond accordingly. In the end, grades are not as important as the person your child turns out to be and your relationship with them.
My kids didn’t make the best grades in school, but they’re all adults now. They made much better grades in college and all are on their way towards rewarding careers. The fact that each can be open and honest with me is worth far more than any honor roll bumper sticker could ever have been.