ADD Student

I currently have all 3 of my children attending college. Sarah is 26, Andy 25, and Caitlin is 22. And yes, they are all working on undergraduate degrees; no one is ready for grad school yet.

Yes, they are a bit older than a “traditional” student. At 22, Caitlin has friends who will be graduating from college this year.

But all 3 of my children have ADHD, and delaying college in one way or another was good for them.

Sarah and Andy started community college right out of high school. Andy quickly flunked out. Sarah continued, but changed her major several times and didn’t always do as well as she might have in her classes.

Caitlin waited a few years before she started and she went directly to a university (which is what all 3 attend now).

Why do you care about this?

Because you presumably have a child with ADHD, too, and someday you expect that child to go to college.

Here is what you need to know: kids with ADHD have 2 ages – their real one and their emotional one. Kids with ADHD are 3-5 years behind their actual age emotionally. They catch up sometime in their 20’s.

Would you send an eighth grader to live away from home for the first time and expect them to attend college level classes, take care of themselves and generally do well? Of course not. But when you send your 18 year old ADDer to college, in some ways, that’s exactly what you are doing.

The same is true of younger kids, too. An 11 or 12 year old going to middle school for the first time is really somewhere between 6 – 9 years old emotionally. Think about a first grader being exposed to all of the things that middle school kids have to deal with: drugs, smoking, drinking, sexual feelings, developing independence. Can you see how our ADHD kids have a harder time as they get older?

Unfortunately, I don’t have a magic solution for you to help you solve this problem. It’s more of a “something you need to be aware of and just deal with” kind of thing. It is important to remember it, especially when things go wrong.

The only advice that I have for you, other than just taking the emotional age into account and working with them on that, is that when it comes to college, “school age” becomes way more important.

Choose community colleges or commuter colleges over ones that require living away from home.

Look for colleges with strong learning resource centers that offer tutoring and other academic help and are knowledgeable about ADHD.

Consider giving them time to experience the real world before starting school. Working 40 hours a week at a retail job gave Caitlin a renewed appreciation for her school days.

Finally, help them figure out a direction before they begin. Lots of kids starting college are unsure of their major. Although they can always start with the core classes that each student needs to take, I find that kids with ADHD are more excited and involved (read committed) to school if they can see their future in sight.