Bullying and ADHD

The recent suicide of a Rutgers University student has drawn national attention. It is the latest in a string of suicides among young people due to bullying and intimidation.

As parents it is up to us to be aware of what is going on with our kids and to be alert for signs of possible abuse. Yes, abuse, because that is ultimately what bullying and intimidation are.

Kids with ADHD can be good targets for bullies because they may have low self esteem, don’t have a lot of friends for support, and are sometimes already singled out at school because of their ADHD.

Here is a list of warning signs from a US government publication called “Stop Bullying Now”:

Warning signs
Possible warning signs that a child is being bullied:
• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing
pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings;
• Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches;
• Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she
spends time;
• Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and
from school, riding the school bus, or taking part
in organized activities with peers (such as clubs);
• Takes a long, “illogical” route when walking to or
from school;
• Has lost interest in school work or suddenly
begins to do poorly in school;
• Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he
or she comes home;
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches,
or other physical ailments;
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams;
• Experiences a loss of appetite; or
• Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem.

You might notice that many of the signs may be typical behavior for a child with ADHD. They often don’t have a lot of friends, have trouble sleeping, and often lose or misplace their belongings.

So how do you know that it’s bullying rather than just typical behavior?

First, look for changes in behavior. Not doing well in school may be typical for your child, but if things suddenly take a huge drop, consider bullying.

Second, talk to your child and see if bullying is a possibility. Be aware, however, that they may not be truthful with you. Older kids, especially boys, are reluctant to admit that they are being bullied. This might be a conversation for dad or another male figure to handle.

Third, educate yourself on bullying and intimidation. Start with the pamphlet mentioned above. And then talk to your child – all of your children – about bullying so that they are aware as well. Maybe they aren’t being bullied but know a child who is. This is really time for “the village” to step up – as in “it takes a village to raise a child”.

Finally, don’t be blind to the fact that your child might be the bully. Kids with ADHD often feel powerless and may have unexpressed anger. Be alert and open to signs of that kind of behavior as well.