Schedule, Structure, and ADHD

The audio monsters have won tonight. This Tuesday’s Ten Minute Tip - minus sound.

Lately, I’ve been watching “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”, and I have to say, I am very impressed with Kate’s time management and organizing skills. For those of you who don’t know, Jon and Kate are the parents of eight children: 2 eight year old twins and 6 three year olds. And yes, this is real life, not a sitcom.

On a recent show, Kate was saying that one of the most important keys to managing that many children is having a schedule and sticking to it. That way, the kids always know what to expect.

All kids do better when there is some sort of structure in their lives, no matter what their age. Kids with Attention Deficit Disorder especially benefit from a structured routine, because they have so much difficulty forming that structure themselves.

This is often a big part of why kids who go away to college end up failing that first year; all of the structure that they’re used to has been taken away and they’ve been left to fend for themselves. Not all of them are ready for it.

Summetime represents another fairly free time in kids lives, when the structure of the school year and it’s various activities has been temporarily suspended. You may find at this time of year that your child is more difficult to get along with, may be getting into more trouble, or is just generally out of sorts.

If that’s the case, try adding some structure to their days and see what happens, after the intial complaint period is over. Setting regular times for meals is a good place to start, if you don’t do that already. A regular bedtime should be enforced in the summertime, too, although you might extend it.

Set aside a time of day when they do chores - maybe first thing in the morning after breakfast. And I think that a special time each day to just sit and read a book would be wonderful. Maybe later, in the evening.

Of course, some of these routines will be easier to put in place with younger children, but some of it’s possible even with teenagers. Everybody will certainly benefit.

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Perfectionism and AD/HD

A few months ago, I saw a cute craft that involved adding scrapbook papers and embellishments to a cappuccino product. I went out and bought a four pack, even though I hate coffee, and got my daughter’s friend to drink them, with the promise that he would return the bottles to me.

Several weeks later, he asked me what I had done with them.  I hadn’t touched them, I explained, because I was so concerned that they turn out right that I was unable to begin for fear I would do the wrong thing.

I’ve seen my oldest daughter do the same sort of thing; she would start her homework, but if she had to erase something, or if the paper got wrinkled or bent accidentally, she would start over with a fresh sheet.

It may not seem as though perfectionsim and AD/HD have anything in common.  After all, people with AD/HD can be a little messy at times.

The truth, however, is that perfectionsim is a real problem for many people with Attention Deficit Disorder.People with AD/HD mess up all the time, even though they don’t intend to, and sometimes aren’t even aware of it.  That tends to make us extra cautious at times, especially when it’s important, but as with many other things we do, we tend to go to extremes.

We want things to be perfect, and sometimes we’re so tied to that idea that we’re completely frozen, unable to take action. What often ends up happening is that we remain in that state for so long - either not doing anything or else starting and then quickly abandoning our efforts - that time runs out on us.  We end up having to piece something together last minute, and of course the finished product is not indicative of our best efforts.

As a parent, there are a couple of things that you can do to help your child through these times.  Recognizing these perfectionistic tendencies when they happen is the first step.  Next, encourage your child to “dump” everything from their head onto paper.

Big projects or important ones are often the ones that trigger those tendencies, and they usually come with a great deal of information or ideas.  Getting all of those ideas out of their head and onto paper can help tremendously.  If you can, use a large easel or blackboard to record the ideas.  All that unlined space makes it easier to do a free-form list of ideas.  Don’t worry about whether or not the ideas are good ones, or putting them in any kind of order.  You can do that after you’ve recorded them.

Once you have all the ideas organized, you’ve got a better grip on getting the project done on time with less stress. Encourage your child to work on it a little at a time until it’s done.

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